Depth Before Growth
This month, my family and I set goals for ourselves in each area of life: spiritual, relational, physical, financial, and mental. My physical goal was to hit a 185-pound back squat. I'm currently at 175. This morning at CrossFit, we attempted our max effort squat after two weeks of purposeful training. With squatting, depth matters. If you don’t go low enough, the rep doesn’t count. I asked the coach to come over and watch my depth as I attempted my previous max squat. I hit one rep, but it wasn't quite there. After a few pointers and a short break, I went up to the rig again. Round two, I go to squat, but I'm still not to depth. Close, but not quite there. I want to try again and hit the max weight I had worked so hard for. But the timer ran out and we had to move on.
I was so frustrated. All the thoughts started swirling, but I had to choose to move on. I had to choose contentment with where I was at. Accepting where we're weak is not easy. Many of us want the fruit of growth, but we don't want to go the depth it requires to carry it. In a physical sense, we want the heavier weight, the bigger muscles, the greater strength. Yet the forward growth has to match the downward growth. In a spiritual sense, we desire the evident fruit in our Christian walks. We want the fruits of the Spirit to show up in the moments we are squeezed in life. We desire to see miracles and souls saved. We want to be known for a wildly obedient life. Yet, many times we don't want to do the deep work and growth that happens alone in the dark.
Do we go to our rooms, shut the door, and pray? Do we give even when nobody sees it? Do we wrestle with God in the late night, fighting through confusion and asking for clarity and blessing? Will we fast in obedience, believing God is for us and has so much more to show us?
Friends, this list is not exhaustive or necessarily descriptive, but the point is, how are you going the depth with
God? In what ways are you striving for greater weight, calling, or ministry, but Jesus is drawing you deeper in understanding, love, and intimacy? A highly fruitful life must be a deeply rooted one. You cannot have one without the other.
Jesus perfectly modeled this kind of depth. All throughout the Gospels, he’s repeatedly shown going away to be with His Heavenly Father.
Luke 5:15-16 says, "Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses. But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed."
Jesus's ministry was deeply rooted in prayer and solitude. Before any of his miracles or preachings, he fasted 40 days and nights. He operated from a place of the Father's pride and love. Even as a kid, his parents found him sitting under the teachers in the temple, listening and asking questions. Jesus is the prime example of doing first, then teaching. He understood the need for depth and trusted His Father for the growth. If the Savior of the world lived this way; if the author of our faith set this kind of lifestyle as our example; if Jesus desired hidden depth before evident growth; why should we expect any different?
The saying I keep going back to is this: it's okay to be uncomfortable. Fasting and early morning prayers aren't necessarily fun or glamorous, but there is a level of intimacy and glory found in them. It's okay if it takes time. It's okay if your goals aren't met in the way or day you expected them to be. No goal, no matter how good it is, can surpass the gravity of Christ's love. Allow His love to take you deeper and trust Him to carry you further than you ever could in your own strength.
I am learning more than ever that strength is found in weakness. Christ will not ask me to do anything He Himself has not already endured. He empathizes with us in our weakness, yet empowers us with His Holy Spirit.
We are in it for the long run, friend. I know it's so tempting to expedite growth. I understand the frustration of unmet goals and expectations. But the gravity of God's love will always surpass the greatness of your growth. Fall in love with the Man who holds your hand in the process. Our true reward is in the hiddenness. Fruitfulness is simply the evidence.
✍🏼 Emily Ordonez | Author, Speaker, Writing Coach
